Do you feel pretty?

In honor of April Fool's Day, I'd like to dedicate today's posting to the world's longest running practical joke: the fashion industry! We've all been trained to think that some bizarre things are normal and even attractive. For example, take high heels. Ouch! Far from functional. But I still look at some pairs of heels and think, "Cute! Must buy!" Fashion is illogical.

And then we get to the practical joke part. If you are a fan of America's Next Top Model or Project Runway or other fashion-related shows, pay attention to the designers... and the irony. What were these designers like when they were young? Many, like Project Runway Season 1 winner Jay McCarroll, admit to being considered unpopular and "weird" in their youth.

Now, remind me... who was it in high school that had to run out and buy the latest fashions, or get the amazing trendy hairstyles? Ah, yes, the school's upper castes. And who did they shun? Oh, that's right--those people who are now playing an integral role in determining what today's fashionable elite have to run out and buy. Does anyone else see a conflict there? Are the former socially oppressed fighting back? It would explain some of those bizarre trends...

I can just see it -- when a former social outcast is inducted into the fashion industry, they enter into a fashion secret society. They conspire to make people--especially those who mocked
them in their youth--look as ridiculous as possible.

If my calculations are correct, this secret society has existed for centuries. How else can you explain some of the horrifying style trends that have existed throughout history? Clearly, someone wanted all these people to pay dearly for their perceived superiority. They succeeded--and are continuing in that fine tradition.

Examples that support my theory:

Whatever you do, don't go swimming in these high fashion items

Why 18th century palace doors are wide

20th century fashion

Animal print

Big hair

Military uniforms!? (if you visit the Tower of London, you'll see that they still dress like this)

And clearly, someone has it in for fashion models

If you wonder what you're supposed to wear now, there are some interesting trends headed our way. Yikes. Incidentally, I've found it interesting that the survivors in Lost are way more in fashion than I am (not to imply that I'm trying hard to follow trends)... note that they're stuck on an island, and I think it's still 2004 in their world!

Keep in mind that I posted this revealing information at great risk to my personal style. I can imagine some of the threats that may be directed my way by those involved in the fashion conspiracy... threats of future bad haircuts and potential banishment to SO-not-in-season sales racks. How shall I endure?