Surviving in SoVa

I've spent the weekend with Emily, my littlest sister. She's currently attending college in Buena Vista (that's Byoona Veesta), VA, which is kind of close to Roanoke. We learned yesterday that Roanoke is pretty boring. If you're in the area and decide you want some entertainment, we recommend Staunton, not Roanoke. Its status as a really cool place to visit is corroborated by the fact that it is home to the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library. If you're not into reading but want to feel intellectually enlightened, you can visit the local wonder, Foamhenge. Thousands of days ago it was hewn from large styrofoam blocks by local mystic tribes. Or at least by people who didn't want to fly all the way to the UK to see the site.

Also, if you visit this area, you'll need to know a bit about the local customs so as to blend in. Here are some tips and tricks for surviving in the area:

- Everyone knows that Northern Virginia is "NoVa." Whilst in Southern Virginia, you should refer to the area as "SoVa." Everyone else does it. Trust me. Would I mislead you? Start a conversation with a local by saying some variant of the following: "Y'all, I ain't ne'er been ta SoVa afore." People will be indescribably impressed.

- Dress the part. Everyone around here wears camouflage. It's the local style. I thought it was trendy because you can never predict when that perfect prey is going to show up. But then Emily pointed out that it's just so you can hide whenever you want. For instance, you may need to hide out in one of the thousand local Walmart stores. It's cheaper than paying for a hotel.

- Bring a rocking chair. Everyone has them on the front porch. They make the scene very warm and inviting.

Now I need to drive home. What a shame; I'm going to miss the Super Bowl commercials, as well as that sporty thing that they show between the commercials. What's that called again?